When those dreaded words fall into your world - "I'm sorry, it's cancer" - the earth seems to stop spinning for a moment. This pivotal moment can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, unsure of your next step.
I know this moment intimately. When my doctor called with my triple-negative breast cancer diagnosis, everything around me blurred. As someone who faced this reality in 2023, after watching my mother and sister walk this path before me, I want to offer you guidance for these first overwhelming days. In the New York Times, The Well newsletter explored this experience with me in their February 28, 2025 edition.
First, Breathe
It's entirely normal to feel scared, angry, or overwhelmed. Your mind may immediately race to worst-case scenarios. "Am I going to die?" is a natural first thought—but remember, this is a reflex, not reality.
For the majority of cases, cancer is very inconvenient, uncomfortable, and life-altering, but not life-ending. Even in advanced cases, many people live long, meaningful lives with Stage IV disease. Most importantly, you most likely have time—time to process, time to plan, time to tell people what matters, and time to set objectives for your care and your life.
Take a deep breath. You don't need to figure everything out at this moment.
Building Your Medical Team
After diagnosis, you'll likely face a whirlwind of appointments with specialists you've never met: oncologists, surgeons, radiologists, and perhaps genetic counselors. Each appointment will include medical assistants, nurses, and possibly nurse practitioners.
The Truth About Medical Charts
While your electronic medical chart will technically list all your providers, don't expect it to capture everything. These digital systems have limitations:
They list who you saw but rarely include comprehensive notes
They don't capture nuance or your understanding of conversations
Important details often get buried in clinical language
Different specialists may document things differently
Pro Tip: Use an AI transcription service like Otter.ai to record your appointments (with permission). These tools create searchable transcripts that allow you to:
Review complex information at your own pace
Capture details you might miss when stressed or overwhelmed
Search for specific terms or recommendations later
Share accurate information with family members or other providers
Create Your Cancer Journey Notebook
One of the most valuable tools I created was a comprehensive "Cancer Obliteration Project" binder. Consider creating something similar with:
A section for each specialist you see
Copies of your test results and treatment plans
Transcripts from important appointments
Your questions and the answers you receive
A medication log tracking what you take and any side effects
A calendar for scheduling appointments and treatments
This becomes invaluable when you meet new care team members—they can quickly catch up on your entire journey rather than just seeing fragmented notes in the system. If you want to be tech-savvy, you could use Google NotebookLM and store your transcripts, notes, any spreadsheets or documents - and then choose who you share that Notebook with so that your closest caregiving team has access - be mindful of protecting your privacy and not sharing beyond very trusted, few people. A cool feature is that NotebookLM has an interactive AI that can catch someone up - saving you the exhaustion of repeating the same information to multiple people.
Finding the Right Care Partners
You're not obligated to stick with the first medical team you meet. This is your life, body, and journey—you deserve providers who make you feel heard, respected, and confident in your care.
Ask for recommendations from:
People you trust who've gone through cancer treatment
Your primary care physician
Support organizations specific to your type of cancer
Even if you've already started testing with one medical group, you can switch if you find a team that better suits your needs and communication style.
Looking Beyond Cancer
One of the most powerful exercises I recommend is to imagine your life after treatment. Choose a specific future moment—perhaps a child's graduation, a milestone birthday, or a dream vacation—and visualize yourself there. What are you wearing? Who's with you? How do you feel?
I had a conversation with a woman facing her second DCIS diagnosis and a mastectomy. When we discussed her reconstruction options, I asked her to imagine herself five years in the future at her child's high school graduation. This simple exercise was a breakthrough moment—she suddenly realized this difficult time wasn't forever. It was temporary.
Yes, your body may change permanently, but so aging does that as well. What matters is that you can still set meaningful goals and look forward to future moments of joy.
Even my grandmother, during her final battle with cancer, found purpose in reaching her 50th wedding anniversary celebration. This goal gave her not just something to live for but a richer quality of life during her remaining time.
Remember This Truth
Cancer is disruptive. It's scary. It demands your attention. But it doesn't have to be the only thing or the forever thing in your life.
Take a breath. Build your team. Document your journey thoroughly. Set your sights on something beyond treatment. You are more than this diagnosis, and there is rich, meaningful life on the other side of this moment.
What steps did you take after your diagnosis that helped you find your way forward? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments.
You can buy Crushing the Cancer Curveball; A Playbook for the Newly Diagnosed at every major online bookseller.