Off-speed pitches are unavoidable. During cancer treatment, off-speed pitches are frequent and have unique twists. That said, you are in the batter's box whether you like it or not, so asking for help to give you a better mental game and stronger swing is a good idea. We all need to eat. We don't live in infusion, radiation, or surgery centers, so we must get to them and home. There are other needs for batters with children. And then even more for people whose pitches fling them far from home.
Universal Supports
Don't be a hero or a martyr unless you have no choice. Be a human and embrace whatever community you have around you. These universal supports make the experience easier - more comfortable and less stressful. I asked for all of these universal supports except lunch doordash - that idea came to me around infusion 11 or 12. People who sat with me during chemo left the infusion center to buy me lunch. Very generous.
Dinners on chemo day plus 1-2 more (this is often called a Meal Train). My sister preferred chemo, chemo +1, chemo +2. I chose deliveries M/W/F because we had too many leftovers.
Doordash/uber eats for lunch on chemo day. Some infusion centers have a lunch cart (way to go, Mass General!), but mine did not. Doordash delivers. You will need to eat. Unless you have a friend with a soup restaurant…then you can bring frozen soup, and your infusion nurse will gladly heat it up for you.
Drivers to and from chemo day if you are getting medications that make you sleepy (IV-Benadryl, Ativan) or if your stomach is very sensitive. You do not need a car accident on top of treatment so don’’t be a hero and let your good driving friends help you.
Daily giggle (1-2 people) - laughter is excellent medicine. My friend Justin has been responding to people who accidentally email him (he has a common Irish last name) with humorous responses since 2012. You got the wrong jXXXX@gmail.com. It was a riot, and he had enough to send one daily. Julie has a crazy dog and sent photos of the funny things Cybil Shepherd was doing. They were my designated laugh medicine providers.
Batters with Small Children
If you have small children, there are other things you will need to keep their lives as normal as possible. My children were older teens and adults, but many cancer patients have younger kids and should think about adding these requests to their help sign-ups (again - I really recommend using something like SignupGenius because people can self-manage, plus it reminds people of their commitments).
Babysitting - after school. Infusions often run long, and you do not need pressure to be done in time to let your children into the house. Friends with children in the same school or in your neighborhood are invaluable.
Pick up and drop off at school or daycare - sometimes, infusions will start at 7:30 in the morning. You may not live minutes from the infusion center - I know people who drive 1-2 hours weekly for their infusion. If you have a volunteer chemo driver, your partner (if you have one) may take on drop off and pick up. But…if not…ask for help. You will likely find someone driving by your house to drop off/pick up your kids; they'd be happy to help with yours. Your children's school or daycare may happily ask other parents on your behalf.
Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash Drive kids to or from activities because you probably don't want to disrupt your children's lives with your cancer any more than you must. Ask the parents of children in the same activity for carpool help - at least on chemo day plus 2. Some parents schedule chemo on Fridays so their partner is not working (if they work M-F 9-5) and can ferry the children to their stuff. But your partner is in their own batter's box too - ask for help.
Playdates. One survivor I spoke with shared that she wanted her children to have cancer-free weekends, so she asked for volunteers to host each of her kids over the weekends. Most weekends were filled.
Batters with Older Children
Driving help - Like the little ones, if your teen doesn't drive and you don't live within walking distance from everything they do, they need help getting to or from activities - your teenager may want to ask people and set this up, or they may need your help. They won't realize that you likely will be too tired or not feel well for at least 1-2 days per chemo cycle. Instead of disappointing them, plan not to drive them and ask for help.
Outings - Someone to take them out for ice cream, frozen yogurt, boba, or basketball - your kids may want or need a break from the cancer pitches. Trusted adults who can do something quick and fun with them will recharge their energy for the next loop.
Fun Diversions
I am an extrovert, and I enjoy talking with people. I didn't want to sit in my house alone, feeling lousy. Adding diversions to my support list created fun along the way. I retained (and exercised) the right to shorten AND/OR cancel if I was no longer in the mood.
Walk with me - tell people the time you like to walk (I'm an early morning walker myself). I knew how long I thought I wanted to walk and where I wanted to meet. Be transparent - it helps everyone. You don't need texts or calls asking where, when, etc.
Play cards/board games/mahjong with me - even if I was feeling lousy, there is a limit to how much I can binge TV or read books. You likely will want to be social, too. I reminded people that I was immunosuppressed and that anyone spending time with me (in a house, in a car, up to you about on a walk) must be healthy. Otherwise, they need to cancel. The patient (or batter) has to come first in the batter's box.
Photo by Marin Tulard on Unsplash Chemo day company - I recommend choosing who you want with you for your first treatment. I was sometimes nervous, scared, and even disoriented that first day. There are many people and many steps - not even including that I needed to check in three times - once for the oncologist, once for the lab, and once for the infusion - all at the same place. Confusing! My mom came with me, and that was a comfort. I've been the first-day person for my sister. My dad was the first person for my mom. After the first chemo day, I felt more oriented and was able to think about the other people who would be comforting companions during my infusion. Ultimately, it became a question of who would self-entertain while I slept!
Visits - perhaps you don’t feel like any activities, but you just want to talk. Its okay to switch any walk or activity to sit and talk. And it’s okay ’s okay to say that you are getting tired and end the visit early.
I was lucky to have two National Cancer Centers within 15 miles of my house. That gave me a level of choice, convenience, and care many people do not get. Some people need specialized treatments that aren't available near their homes. My mother was able to centralize her care at Stanford but have her infusions near her home in Florida - making her batter's box much more comfortable.
Asks when Pitches Fling You Afar
There are other needs if you have to travel long distances for treatment. Many people are ashamed that they cannot afford all the costs of cancer and don't want to have their hand out for help. There's no shame in conveying that you are stressing your resources to access the best care for your cancer. Most US cancer patients report that the financial strain is more stressful than the disease and treatment. If your treatment diverts to a clinical trial, you may need to travel to the trial site to participate. There are financial support foundations that can help (sharsheret.org has a list that's quite good, and they will send it to anyone), and many treatment centers have financial assistance available. Some things to ask for include:
Hotel Points - these can be gifted
Airfare points - these can be gifted, and there are other specific programs for patients who need to fly for treatment
Rooms at friends' homes close to treatment - people often open their homes to help if asked
Banked vacation days - my friend is a nurse, and her peers gifted her sick and vacation days to supplement her disability income and help minimize the financial stress of cancer
Doordash/Caviar/UberEats/Instacart gift cards for food
GoFundMe for travel and medical expenses
Asking for help relieves your stress and the helplessness your friends and family feel as they watch you endeavor to smash the curveballs. Guiding your friends and family to your sign-up sheet will minimize your stress.
A note for well-intentioned friends and family - ask before you send something. Flowers are beautiful - but scents can nauseate a chemo patient. There are only so many stuffed animals anyone can have. Unexpected food might not have a place in the fridge or freezer. If your friend doesn't have a sign-up list, offer to be the person who organizes it for them - the most significant gift of all.
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