The Second Cancer Was Smaller. She Fell Apart Anyway.
Erin Gray’s Second Diagnosis
Psychologist Erin Gray walked into her oncologist’s office with a new diagnosis: papillary thyroid cancer. Same office she’d been walking into every six months for years to be told her breast cancer was still in remission. Same doctor who got her through the first one.
He looked at her chart, told her thyroid cancer wasn’t really “cancer-cancer,” and walked out.
She broke down crying. Alone in the room. Until his PA came back in and hugged her.
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The Unseen Weight of a Second Cancer
This was the part that confused her. She’d done this before. Way harder the first time. Triple negative breast cancer, BRCA2, double mastectomy, chemo, hysterectomy, the works. This was supposed to be the smaller one. The easier one. It wasn’t.
She said it out loud while we were recording:
Why am I having this with thyroid cancer when I didn’t have it with chemo?
Most patients have felt some version of this and never had the language for it. The recurrence that hits harder than the original. The second time around that breaks you in a way the first time didn’t.
Doctors call it: Anxiety.
Survivors (and some therapists) call it: PTSD.
Both might be partly right. Erin’s experience pointed somewhere else, though. Somewhere specific. Somewhere that wasn’t about the cancer at all.
It was about a person she had the first time and lost the second time.
What We Are Exploring This Week
The deep piece this week is about what she had, what she lost, what the research says about the difference it makes, and what this means if you’re carrying a known mutation, navigating a recurrence, or staring down a fresh diagnosis from a system that hands you a list of doctors and a phone number.
If you’ve ever felt like the cancer itself was the easier part of cancer, this one is for you.
Listen and Subscribe
Erin’s full episode is live now: Kicking Cancer’s Ass: Erin Gray
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The deep article on what she lost (and how to ask for it back) drops to paid subscribers this week.
→ Subscribe for the longer article, transcript, and more ways to Kick Cancer’s Ass.
Connect with Erin:
Erin’s counseling website: www.bewellwithincounseling.com
Erin’s podcast website: www.wickedpsychotherapists.com