The First Time I Was Kind to Myself
Cancer silenced the self-critic for Cara Lockwood
Cara Lockwood was lying in a hospital bed, fresh out of double mastectomy surgery, when something unexpected happened. For the first time in her 50-something years on this planet, she gave herself a genuine compliment.
“You did a good job.”
No sarcasm. No “but.” No backhanded jab. Just... kindness.
And she sobbed.
“I cried because it was maybe the first time in my adult life I had given myself a genuine compliment,” Cara told me. The bestselling romance novelist who just released “There’s No Good Book for This (But I Wrote One Anyway)” had spent decades perfecting stories about love — except when it came to loving herself.
The negative self-talk had been running on autopilot her entire life. Hit the USA Today bestseller list? “Well, it’s not the New York Times.” Built a thriving career with 35 novels? “Could be better.” That inner critic never took a day off.
Until cancer forced a reckoning.
Three weeks later, with only three chemo rounds left, her publisher called. Despite The Takeover hitting the bestseller list, they were dropping her. No renewal. No safety net. Just “the numbers weren’t what we hoped.”
Cara didn’t crumble. She didn’t even pause.
“That’s not gonna kill me,” she said. And meant it.
Because when you’re literally fighting for your life, everything else gets properly sized. Lost contract? Not dying. Career setback? Not dying. This isn’t toxic positivity — it’s perspective earned in the hardest way possible.
Two things you can use today:
The cancer filter works for everything. Cara asks herself: “Am I dying? Like literally dying? No? Okay then it’s fine.” Try it with your next “crisis.” Watch how fast it shrinks.
Your inner critic might be your real cancer. That voice telling you nothing’s ever good enough? It’s been poisoning you longer than any tumor. What if today, you gave yourself one genuine compliment? No conditions. No asterisks.
Cara’s now with Hachette, new novel coming 2026. But the real victory happened in that hospital bed when she finally fired her harshest critic: herself.
She told me something the Navy SEALs apparently know: even the toughest warriors need mantras when scared. They give themselves pep talks before missions. If they need it, what makes us think we don’t?
Her book shares the whole journey — including the MRI incident where she accidentally flashed everyone.
“It’s very hard to be afraid when you’re laughing,” she said.
How long has it been since you gave yourself a real compliment?