You’re on a Zoom call when your phone rings. It’s your doctor. You step away, mute yourself, and hear the words: “I’m sorry, it’s malignant.”
What happens next?
If you’re like most people, your body responds before your brain catches up. Your heart races. Your hands might shake. You feel anger, fear, disbelief—maybe even embarrassment, like you somehow failed to prevent this.
This is precisely what happened to me the day before my scheduled prophylactic mastectomy. I’d planned everything meticulously—a 14-hour surgery to eliminate cancer’s shadow from my life. My sister-in-law had flown in to help. The logistics were locked down. And then the biopsy I’d had came back malignant.
Surgery canceled. Cancer had barged in uninvited anyway.
I felt annoyed. Really annoyed. And embarrassed, like I’d done something wrong. Suddenly, I wasn’t the woman in control of my body, my time, or my calendar. I was just another patient hearing “it’s cancer” for the first time.
Here’s what matters in that moment: you don’t need toxic positivity. You don’t need to force a smile or reassure anyone else. What you need is to ground yourself when the ground has shifted under you.
Two things you can do immediately:
First, anchor yourself to the present. Put your hand on your chest. Take one slow breath. Say to yourself: “This is happening and I am still here.” Not “everything will be fine.” Not “I’ve got this.” Just the truth: this is happening, and right now, in this moment, you are safe.
Look around you. Name five things you see. Feel your feet on the floor. Your body is in panic mode, sending signals that you’re in immediate danger. You’re not. Cancer feels urgent because now you know about it. But as Dr. Laura Esserman told me, you have time to breathe. You have time to think.
Second, choose one safe share. Pick one trusted person and tell them simply: “The doctor called. The biopsy was positive. I just heard this. Can you just be with me?”
That’s it. You don’t have to tell everyone at once. I’ll tell you from experience—it gets very old, very fast, repeating “I have cancer” and then managing everyone else’s reactions.
You didn’t choose this timing. Cancer always arrives uninvited. But you can choose how you anchor yourself in this moment. You can choose your very next step.
And that’s where reclaiming your power begins.
Want the complete framework for finding your footing after diagnosis? Listen to the full episode where I walk through all three grounding steps, including why writing everything down matters and what you actually control right now.
