Guys and Sex (and Cancer)
Episode 41 - Transcript
Joelle Kaufman (00:04.078)
Three men, three completely different experiences. Stage four prostate cancer, anal cancer with an ostomy, a prostatectomy that led to suicidal depression before a vacuum pump changed everything. And the same wall of silence around what treatment does to your body, your desire, and your sense of who you are. Today on Kicking Cancer’s Ass, I am thrilled to revisit sex and cancer with three really interesting men.
Tim Baker, living the dream. He’s a surf writer with a beautiful family, walks to the waves when out of the blue, a stage four prostate cancer changed everything. And he’s gonna tell us a little bit about what happened about his book, Petting the Shark, and dating in your 50s as a cancer survivor.
Daniel Garza has been navigating health, identity, and intimacy, including AIDS, anal cancer, and ostomy, agoraphobia, sobriety with his partner Christian besides him. He’s lived the compounding effect of diagnosis after diagnosis on a relationship.
Mike Prescott and his beautiful wife Shirley join us. Mike overheard nurses casually discussing male castration and then found out it was for his case before anyone talked to him about what treatment might do to his sex life, after.
Three weeks after his prostatectomy, did I say that right guys? Three weeks after his prostatectomy, he found himself having suicidal thoughts, but now three, four years later, he and Shirley, who’s gone through her own cancer treatment are having more sex than before his surgery. So if you or someone you love has gone through cancer and is wondering if they’ll ever feel desire again, whether their partner sees them in the same ways or how to start the conversation,
Mike & Shirley (01:31.432)
You got it.
Tim Baker (01:32.258)
Mm-hmm.
Joelle Kaufman (01:56.876)
This is the guy’s version of sex and cancer. So welcome back. Welcome back to Kicking Cancer’s Ass, the podcast rewriting cancer story, putting you in control. I’m Joelle Kaufman, and today we tackle sex and cancer from the men’s perspective, what nobody tells you, what changes, and what you can do about it, with Daniel Garza, Tim Baker, and Mike and Shirley Prescott. Hi, guys. Thank you for being here.
Mike & Shirley (02:02.435)
to ask the public to rewrite the cancer story.
Mike & Shirley (02:21.705)
Thanks for having us.
Tim Baker (02:22.124)
Thanks, Joel.
Daniel G Garza (02:23.644)
Good to be here.
Joelle Kaufman (02:25.198)
So let’s just jump into it and let’s talk about, know, when the women were on, they said nobody brought it up. Nobody talked about what cancer treatment, what surgery was going to do to their sex life. How about for you guys? What did you not know about how cancer treatment was going to change your sex life? And what do you wish someone had said to you before it started?
Who wants to go first?
Tim Baker (02:56.642)
I could say I was given very little information about the nature of hormone therapy when I was prescribed it. I think there’s the kind of obligatory fact sheet that you’re given when you’re prescribed any medication. But it was pretty blunt. I think there was just a kind of statement that it would affect sexual function and libido, but there was no offer of any ways to manage those effects.
And I think it was more or less implied that that element of your life was over and behind you and you should just kind of get used to it, which was pretty disheartening.
Joelle Kaufman (03:37.994)
I would think so. On top of a cancer diagnosis, you’re told, and Tim and Daniel, I know you were both pretty young, and Mike, your story is you were not going to tolerate not having a sex life with your wife. And so how did that feel to hear such a thing? what did you do with that, Tim?
Mike & Shirley (03:58.25)
Well, it was the first office that I visited when I was diagnosed and I subsequently changed offices, changed practitioners after that, but I didn’t know anything at all about prostate cancer, I guess as most people know it just sneaks up on you. And so when I was in the room and the physician had given me the digital exam and
Joelle Kaufman (04:08.183)
No.
Mike & Shirley (04:28.125)
told me about the tumor size and things like that. That’s when he walked out and I could hear the nurses talking outside the door and they were talking about male castration. And I had no idea. It’s a lack of education on my part, what they were talking about. And so when they came back in, I said, who is the poor guy that’s going through male castration?
And they said, well, we’re talking about, you know, potential treatment for you. And it was, that was how I was approached with it. it was soon after that is when I changed physician offices, not that I don’t understand now in the education as to what they were speaking about, but they could have possibly explained it in a different way was
the way I look back on it now. So that was kind of my baptism by fire, so to speak, into the potential treatments. At that time, we didn’t know what a Gleason score on my situation was or anything. We didn’t know what the diagnosis was gonna be. That appointment was leading up to a test where they go in and take samples, the biopsies for prostate cancer.
I guess all I’m saying is that was before anything was ever even diagnosed. I was approached with that. So it scared me. I’ll be honest with you.
Joelle Kaufman (06:04.811)
I’m sure did. And Daniel, what about you? What was your experience?
Daniel G Garza (06:09.326)
Sure, so let’s talk about sex, baby. And there was no conversation about it. I think the idea when you go in for the diagnosis and they’re like, okay, so we have a treatment plan for you. You know, we’re to go deep chemo radiation and you’re going to be happy that you don’t have cancer anymore. And yes, there is definitely that grateful side that, yay, I don’t have cancer. But at the time, Christian and I, I was diagnosed on May 5th. Our anniversary was May 9th.
