I always subconsciously knew my mother would get breast cancer. Since a very young age, I knew BRCA-1 ran in my family and that the gene massively increased the probability of breast and ovarian cancer.
The first effect this had on my life was in 7th grade when my school did a tzedakah project. Every student was to pick an organization to make a tzedakah donation to after a year of fundraising. I chose to research organizations supporting breast cancer patients to find an organization to donate to. After months of learning about how BRCA-1 affected people and families and the organizations supporting them, I chose Bright Pink as the organization I would donate to. Learning about the power of BRCA-1 was terrifying. This gene increased the likelihood of breast cancer by roughly 8x in women and 10x in men, which could potentially have a direct impact on my health. Learning about the gene helped me realize the importance of getting a genetics test before I have children so I know what I could potentially pass on to my children. While all of these thoughts and emotions were incredibly powerful, after this tzedakah experience, breast cancer got put in the back of my mind. I was hoping it would never be something I would have to deal with.
Fast forward to the excitement of my mother's bilateral mastectomy. My siblings and I all understood what was going on with the surgery because Mom did not hide it from us. However, my mother, father, and aunt seemed quiet the day before the surgery. I knew they were hiding something because they had been incredibly forthcoming with information thus far. I remember having a feeling in my gut that something was wrong and Mom couldn't have the surgery. The three of them sat my brother, sister, and me down at the table. With tears in her eyes (the first time I remember my mother crying), she told us that she had cancer.
Ariel's face fell, Taylor was in shock, and I remember thinking, "ok, that really sucks. Mom has a plan." I did not feel afraid, nor did I worry. How could those emotions be of use right now? There was enough of that in my siblings. I maintained my positive attitude, mainly feeling angry that cancer showed up right before the surgery. I do not recall what they said next because I quickly realized I could do nothing, and I was more focused on how my siblings were doing. We went into Ariel's room, hugged each other, and cried for a minute before Taylor and Ariel began talking about putting their lives on hold to help Mom. This upset me as I knew that was the opposite of what mom wanted from us, so I looked at them both and said, "That is not what mom wants. Ariel, Mom wants you to have the best semester in school, kill it in lacrosse, and write incredible music. Taylor, Mom wants you to have the best baseball season of your life and enjoy every second of your time in Hamilton. And mom wants me to work hard on my thesis and do incredible in school and my summer internship." I have no idea how much this helped, if at all, but it needed to be said.
Throughout the treatments, I made a point to talk to my mother every day, and even now, with medicines and surgeries finally being over, I still try to talk to Mom every day. I kept a positive attitude throughout her cancer, which helped me enjoy my time in college and not make my whole life about something that was so far out of my control.